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Mar. 17th, 2008 @ 12:14 pm Proactive life decision time...
Current Mood: Fuck it all...
Current Music: None...
As of about a month ago I decided not to apply for Graduate school and take the time instead to work on my writing while working 40 hours a week. It isn't grand, nor will it be fun, but I really just want an academic break.

Apparently my mother isn't taking to this too well...because I am a giant pile of fail. Not just that "I'm disappointed in you" kind of fail, full blown "I'm just as stupid as my pot smoking brother" fail.

Normally I would hang my head in the proverbial shame and do everything that she wants me to do, but fuck it.

No, seriously and with all of the intention that fills my heart at this moment...fuck it.

To her I'm being mind manipulated by Jeff, since he took some time off before he started his masters' apparently I'm being turned into a house wife. First of all, I do want to get my master's degree, I just don't know what, nor do I want to do it so my mom will shut up and be able to brag about me again to all of her stupid ass friends.

Second, Jeff had nothing to do with the decision, this is something I realized yes while dating him, but more so the realization came when I was looking at the applications and realizing that my future was going to be determined by WHAT kind of degree I would be getting, and NOT by WHAT I want to apply for.

I can't leave the rest of my future in the hands of some ass-hats sitting at a table all the while deciding what I shall be doing for the rest of my life. It isn't going to happen...no fucking way. I'm proactive, which is a nice way of saying that I'm going to grab the steer (male bull) by the balls and move it to my will. I do realize that if I go to grad school I have to obey the rules of play, and I'm fine with that, but waiting for a letter from some school as to what I am going to do for the rest of my life...Nope, not this time around.

She just keeps on being convinced that I'm chalkful of fail and it's annoying and mentally destroying to hear her basically tell me that I'm worthless...

At this point I know she's regretting the missed chance of abortion. I mean that, I really think that I came at the worst possible moment in her life and that if I wasn't around, she'd only have four kids to worry about instead of five (well three technically since my real brother was given away for adoption because it would have been to much of a burden for her).

She goes on and on about how she wanted to become a nurse and fulfill the family line of smoking nurses we have (they all smoke or have smoked at one point in time). However, if she wanted to be a nurse so bad, why the hell isn't she one now? Shit, do you know how many programs are out there to be a nurse? That's right, a shit-ton! She's going on and on about it and I'm finding all of these flaws in her argument which only make me more furious that I'm having this conversation with her in the first place.

I'm realizing that maybe all I want is to come home and be with Jeff, or the love of my life, have dinner and a beer, and talk about our day. I want to be a writer, but because my ideal of life changes so quickly, it's easy to see why my future can change as such, but the major things I want to do are still solid, but the in between time may have some revisions.

I'm getting yelled at for revisions people! Not even horrible revisions like deciding that prostitution would be a good deal, but taking time for myself and really getting my writing career in swing. Could I be a librarian, you bet, I like the idea, but I'm really afraid that I'll just be a librarian, and not an author instead like I really, really want to be.

Now I know why so many great members of the Lost Generation drank...furious mother syndrome. It gets everyone in the end.
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Feb. 22nd, 2008 @ 01:14 pm (no subject)
Current Location: My room
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: Whatever is blaring out of Jena's room
Tags: , , ,
So check it kids,

After this past tuesday I got an email from Dr. Kimmel. It wasn't a bad one, but rather him attempting to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside via a "cutsy" email about how I've been helpful and humane with my imput during workshops.

*whatever mouth noise here which indicates "You have to be kidding me right?""

Okay, see here's my thing about this email. While yes, I have been nice to everyone in the group for workshops, the reason why I am nice to everyone is that they are nice back and aren't a bunch of morons ( well, except Deena, she's got a head on her shoulders) and dunces that can't get what I am saying.

Also, they all are cool people, but that's beyond the point kids. I guess my main beef with this dense attempt at being all nice is that: 1. chances are he doesn't really mean it and 2. why the hell can't I have this said to my face?

No, I'm serious about that last one. Why can't he tell me this to my face? Why does he have to use the internet and email to dehumanize it? It just gets under my skin and makes me want to sock him one.

Speaking of dense people, I do have to say that some of the freshman here really need to be thrown into some sort of ghetto and learn the basic fundamental idea that not everyone else in the universe has lived a carbon copy of their lives. The reason why I feel this should be done is because of one frumpy freshman in my Gandhi class got all personal and shit because I made a comment that didn't agree with hers.

TO make it even better the dumbass proceeds to make some big old case about it, in the middle of my statement like a cunt would. No seriously, even the most magnificent motherfucker out there doesn't go and do something ignorant like that. I was talking and she needs to understand the idea of keeping her mouth shut and get over her uber close-minded ways and grow up.

I didn't call her out on it mainly because I'm trying to stay on my prof's good side since I get the feeling he doesn't like me too well, but the next time she does it...there will be some verbal asskickings going on.

That's all
Zoot
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Sep. 30th, 2007 @ 01:08 pm Hey hey you you...
Current Mood: only a smidge naughty

So I have a boyfriend!

That's right kids, after a lonely two year hiatus from the relationship scene I make my sweet, cuddly comeback with romantic vengence!

Jeff and I (or I and jeff..however that goes) decided that we are a couple now which makes me feel wonderful. He's an amazing cuddler and kisser and he likes me for me. In fact I decided to stay the night because we hit things off so well. Yes, I slept on the same futon that he did, but with the sort of cuddler this man is I was not about to make him sleep all by himself. Also, when a man constantly complements your figure...you do not ask him to stay away from you...hell you want him there right next to you.

On our date we got some lunch at a lovely cafe in BG, then we went back to his place and watched Pulp Fiction...which I have to say is the best Tarentino movie I have ever seen. You know how you do that thing where you finally decide to make a move, well about 10 minutes into the movie I held his hand and he was all over it. He loved the fact that I was the one to actually make a move. So after a while he starts giving me a back massage and then he kissed me. It was tons better than last week's kiss that was awkward and gentle, this one kids was straight up passionate and ever so slightly rough...

I think it was around 9:30 that it dawned on me that I should stay the night because he wanted me too. There was this sort of non-verbal communication between us that made it very clear that he wanted to hold me all through the night (which he did ever so well), so I knew that I was more than welcome to stay. I am glad that I stayed because I got some fantastic cuddling and a great cup of coffee in the morning. It was a shot of expresso with cardamon and condensed milk in it...in other words liquid gold that you could drink. I felt somewhat bad because my stomach was bothering me at the time and I didn't eat too much breakfast (yes, he even made breakfast), and it's still bothering me some, but I think it just has to do with the fact that I had no food in my stomach when I drank his really strong coffee, then I tried eating and that didn't work. 

Speaking of not eating, this is the second time we have been together and I haven't felt like having dinner. I don't know if this is a good thing of a bad thing, but from the looks of it I may even be loosing weight while in this relationship. I'm going to head back to the room after lunch and get some ramen, then stave off hunger until I go to dinner and fill up. I also have greek sing practice tonight, which means only one thing--shorts must be worn!

That's all for now kids,
Zoot

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Aug. 28th, 2007 @ 08:10 pm New Year...Better room
Current Mood: contemplative
Tags: , , ,

So with the start of school and everything getting back into motion, I feel the need to say one critical thing...

MY ROOM IS WAY PIMPER THAN YOUR ROOM!!!!!!

Well now that we are past this childishness, I would also like to comment that I love all of my teachers right now and that my senior seminar looks like it will be mad enjoyable. I have geology 104 with Amy Berger and I enjoy her a lot. She has that whole laid back vibe about her and it makes me happy. I also have an Anthropology class with Julie O'Reilly which is neato and seems to be interesting.

I am however, still job-hunting seeing how my time at Rock Run is nothing short of torture via the mind games. I just need to have a job where I can do a job without feeling like a moron. Not to mention that I hate my boss with a capital 'h'. I also need a job that pays more than minimum wage...like more than 6.25 an hour would be excellent. I have to pay dues and my credit card off soon or else very bad things will happen.

Finally I need to just stay focused on the things that really really matter to me...like graduating. I also have to think about taking the GRE's and getting into grad school so I can actually put  this soon to be finished BA in English to use. I have been thinking about screenwriting, which since I am the sex with Dialogue seems like something up my alley. Also, Library Science and a Masters in English look good, so does just going out into the work force in some sense. I mean I just don't want my writing to end in my undergraduate degree. I've come to the conclusion that I want to be in a career where I can just write, even if it is for some company. 

That's all the fun you get for now kids,
Velvela/Zoot/Hazell

 

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Jul. 10th, 2007 @ 09:48 pm because I just now saw the "Dick in a box" short film...
Tags:

Okay so...in my usual manner of being inspired by funny r&b remakes done by semi attractive men (the Andy guy...not justin timberlake). I have decided that women need a version of this song to rock in a funny really drunk way...and not that sucktastic "box in a box". Seriously who the hell wants to open up that youtube flick and have some close up of some boobs?

Besides everyone that wants a chestal closeup...there needs to be a more sincere attempt from us women...

And anything where I can make comments about the Aps and my sorority sisters=bitchin' time for all of the people who get my sense of humor.

Enjoy.


The orginal lyrics for reference

Dick in a box

Verse one
Hey girl I got somethin' real important to give you
So just sit down and listen
Girl you know we've been together such a long long time (such a long time)
And now I'm ready to lay it on the line
(Wooow) You know it's Christmas and my heart is open wide
Gonna give you something so you know what's on my mind
A gift real special, so take off the top
Take a look inside -- it's my dick in a box 

Refrain
Not gonna get you a diamond ring 
That sort of gift don't mean anything
Not gonna get you a fancy car
Girl ya gotta know you're my shining star
Not gonna get you a house in the hills
A girl like you needs somethin' real
Wanna get you somethin' from the heart
Somethin' special girl
It's my dick in a box, my dick in a box babe
It's my dick in a box, my dick in a box girl 

Verse Two
See I'm wise enough to know when a gift needs givin' (yeah)
And I got just the one, somethin' to show ya that you are second to none
To all the fellas out there with ladies to impress
It's easy to do just follow these steps
1: Cut a hole in a box
2: Put your junk in that box
3: Make her open the box
And that's the way you do it
It's my dick in a box... my dick in a box babe
It's my dick in a box, my dick in a box girl 

The funny closer
Christmas; dick in a box
Hanukkah; dick in a box
Kwanzaa; a dick in a box
Every single holiday a dick in a box
Over at your parent's house a dick in a box
Mid day at the grocery store a dick in a box
Backstage at the CMA's a dick in a box (yeah-wow-wow-wow-wow-wow)
A dick in a box, a dick in a box, a dick in a box... 


The "Zoot" Version

Vag in a box or the unrated version...
"Cunt in a box"  *Mental note for those of you actually reading this, I have decided that like the vagina monologues we need to take back the word 'cunt'...kinda like how Randal from "Clerks Two" took "Porch monkey" back, but minus all of the racial shit...plus all the good times and situations where being able to say cunt in a socially acceptable manner would solve tons of issues. That is all*

Verse one
Eugs, I know we all have some one special this Christmas (or Hannukkah or Yule)
But we sisters know what we need to do for the ones we love (that we freakin' love)
And this gift is better than those sucky turtle doves,
(Wooow) You know it's winter and we'll really kick it (freaky sex)
But before we screw I got some you sweet shit
Double wrapped; from me to you
Dive right in--it's my vag in a box

Refrain
Not gonna let you get a home run 
then sit there and watch you say we're done
Not gonna have sex with someone else
and then have a sex tape on our shelf
This is special; tried and true
Open it up boo...
It's my vag in a box, my vag in a box boy!
it's my vag in a box, my vag in a box oh joy.

Verse Two
It's that time where I know when you need a gift to be givin'
And I got just the one, somethin' to show ya that you are so much fun
For all the Eugs out there with a lover to impress
It's easy to do just follow these steps
1: Cut a hole in a box
2: Put your vag in that box
3: Make them open the box
And that's why I rock
It's my vag in a box... my vag in a box babe
It's my vag in a box, my vag in a box dude


The funny closer

Formal....vag in a box
Highland fling...vag in a box
Every meeing...vag in a box

kickin' it with Jesus vag in a box
reading about Egypt vag in a box
making fun of the Aps vag in a box
Any damn time you want too vag in a box (oh waahoo....)
a vag in a box, a vag in a box, a vag in a box...

(Badass video fades to black...perferablly with some Eugs in gansta badass poses, but I promise nothing on that one)


These lyrics aren't perfect...but still...vag in a box.

Much love
Zoot

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Sep. 11th, 2006 @ 07:48 pm And Mom doesn't care
Current Location: Miller 218
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: "Nothing about us" by Brooke Hogan
So yeah, I came out of the broomcloset and it feels great.

Just thought I would get that out of the way since I should!

I feel like a party..is that okay?

Zoot


P.S. This mini vacation of mine ( which I know isn't a vacation, I'm just substuting words in here) is fantasic. I feel better already. Now just to read that book...
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Aug. 23rd, 2006 @ 10:29 pm I'm here and everything is going well
Current Location: Miller 218...the room
Current Mood: complacent
Current Music: Raindrops by Stunt
Moved on to campus offically yesterday!

I haven't heard from Steve since our date. I mean he did leave an awesome comment on my okcupid.com account, but he hasn't emailed me at all since then. Is this similar to the 'wait three days' rule or something...anyone got any advice about it shoot is on my way.

I want to think that things went well and that I didn't scare him away...but then again you never know with men *smiles*. Chances are he wants to see me again and I would like to have him visit more often...but why hasn't he emailed me yet? I think that I am looking over this too much and that he will talk to me soon enough...I hope.

So right now I have a bunch of Freshmen in the dorm room ( Miller 218) watching the best movie ever...OfficeSpace!!! They're kickass and I could see myself hanging out with them next year...even this year as well.

I feel kinda bad for Nikki, she's been dealing with all of this OL stuff and it seems to be taking over her life. Not that it is or anything...it just feels that way to me.

I kinda feel like emailing Steve and seeing what time he would like to meet again. I'll confess finding a guy...let alone a Wiccan guy for this Wiccan girl is a one in a million sort of thing. OK, not trying to make it sound like any potental mate has to be Wiccan specifically, but it is nice not having to explain everything about my religion to someone. It's odd, I dont even get why I put weight into something like that in the first place, it could be since religion is something important to me...but regardless I think sending him an email would be the 'proper' thing to do.

Off to email Steve and see where this is going to take 'us'?

I make it sound like I have the right to have an 'us' with someone else. Ha.

Much love as always,
Zoot
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Jul. 8th, 2006 @ 05:26 pm *Romantic Sigh*
Current Location: Home after work
Current Mood: Weeee!!!
Current Music: "buttons" by the pussy cat dolls
How does one letter from someone on a dating site seem to do a better job of making my day then doing all of my favorite things in one afternoon?

I don't know but it does. I love hearing from him and his style of writing is wonderful. Relax I'm not head over heels (and I know to play it safe with these things so don't go and worry about me) I severly doubt he is too, but this is more of reading something wonderful and having that bring you complete bliss. I just enjoy the fact he actually takes time out of his day to write to me and actually recalls previous things I have mentioned to him.

Now I know anyone can do something that simple, but I have met men who couldn't if their life depended on it.

I hate asynchronous conversation, and to be honest I'd rather be talking to him over the phone or in person. I am doing better about being 'alone' but I think everyone is looking for their other 'half' so to speak.

But beyond the okcupid.comness, there is the interesting fact that we have a new guy at work. His name is Justin and he's a nice guy. He seems to be one of those easy going guys who just does his job and makes the best family guy and chappelle show references ever.

I miss you all and I hope everything is going well for you. Give me a call...or money...whichever, not making you choose one thing over the other ( money)...talk to you all later

Zoot
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Apr. 24th, 2006 @ 08:43 am Just for kicks kids
Current Mood: amused
Take the quiz:
Which pagan holiday are you?

Ostara
You're Ostara

Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!
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Apr. 15th, 2006 @ 01:15 pm And this is how the story goes
Current Mood: I have alot of shit to do!
Current Music: "You're so damn sexy when you're mad" by Neo
Tags: , ,
So I got back today from Columbus, and I'll say I had a nice time.

I hung out with Mike and things went well. I don't know if I annoyed him persay, but rather he did tell me he is kinda standoffish, which I think it was. It was nice to talk to him in person instead of over aim

I also found my formal dress! It's a teal halter top style dress with alot bead work on it. I think Mike will like it, but the fact it was a perfect fit and 40 dollars meant that me and my mom liked it...ALOT!

I also still have to call churches about Sing out, I have to work on my first draft of my 291 paper, and I have to think of something neato to do with the Euglo pledge classes so I can keep them in order they can have something neato to. I think having a scrapbook with every page devoted to a new pledge class will be nice. I'm gonna have to shoot the ladies an email, but chances are they will like it.

I should be out laying in the sun working on a tan, but I honestly have little motivation to do that now.

See you all later
Zoot
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Apr. 15th, 2006 @ 01:15 pm And this is how the story goes
Current Mood: I have alot of shit to do!
Current Music: "You're so damn sexy when you're mad" by Neo
Tags: , ,
So I got back today from Columbus, and I'll say I had a nice time.

I hung out with Mike and things went well. I don't know if I annoyed him persay, but rather he did tell me he is kinda standoffish, which I think it was.

I also found my formal dress! It's a teal halter top style dress with alot bead work on it. I think Mike will like it, but the fact it was a perfect fit and 40 dollars meant that me and my mom liked it...ALOT\

I also still have to call churches about Singout, I have to work on my first draft of my 291 paper, and I have to think of something neato to do with the Euglo pledge classes so I can keep them in order they can have something neato to.
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Apr. 15th, 2006 @ 01:15 pm And this is how the story goes
So I got back today from Columbus, and I'll say I had a nice time.

I hung out with Mike and things went well. I don't know if I annoyed him persay, but rather he did tell me he is kinda standoffish, which I think it was.

I also found my formal dress! It's a teal halter top style dress with alot bead work on it. I think Mike will like it, but the fact it was a perfect fit and 40 dollars meant that me and my mom liked it...ALOT
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Apr. 12th, 2006 @ 10:18 am Why isn't it Easter Break yet?
Current Mood: CRAP!
There are days where I just want it to be a vacation. That's all nothing more.

I got off of work and then got online to read for English 211, however with my slow computer, it refused to load it within an hour timeframe, so I decide to give up on that.

I walk into the kitchen and smell rotting milk...not just any rotting milk, but rotting milk that has been there for atleast 3 days. Now normally I would have shaken it off, but the fact is that my grandmother does nothing around the house but make it messier. I am royally pissed of at her. I mean I understand that she's eldery, but I know that since she doesn't have to work, that she could at least do the damned dishes.

This is why I am living on campus next year, I won't have to come home to a house that is dirty. I'm be in my nice and clean dorm room with an awesome roomate and I won't have to deal with my grandmother being a pain in the side. I love the woman to death, but I cannot take inhaling 2 packs of cigarettes a day, being without my own closet, and living in a hellhole more or less. Also, everytime I try to clean something, I swear she takes something of mine and hides it from me. Honestly she's the biggest brat I know.

And if I have to be waken up by her hacking up a freakin' lung, I may as well move back to Columbus.

With a grandmother who can't be even romotely normal, I do have some good news. I am going to be in Columbus to see Mike and I can't wait. Okay this is not Mike who dumped me for being a "hassle", this is my date for Formal who also has the same name.

Telling my mother about this was most interesting. She thinks it's great that I am going and that I have a date, but when I told her he was 24 she felt otherwise. I quickly pulled out the "Your husband is 5 years your junior" card and she got over the age difference. Then she went into the whole " are you two going to be doing 'anything' while you are there" card, which was trumped with the "guilt trip" card and the fact that I am not like that and that I am not going to be doing anything weird while on this trip.

She also took the liberty to tell me that my younger sister got her foot runned over by our grandpa, and that my younger brother has been missing for two days, and because of his MIA action my mom has been missing time to make up stuff at work. I really am afraid that when I take Mike to meet her that I'll open the door to see my younger sister in a full body cast on the couch, my younger brother chained to a chair with his Nitendo DS just out of reach, and my mother and her husband throwing shit at one another and screaming at the top of their lungs. Yeah, forgive me for being a bit nervous about that.

I guess the only thing I can do is wait and see how things are going to turn out. I still have to get the day off of work and that isn't going to be that much fun.

Well I am going to go and try to relax before a test in 20 minutes and talking to my advisor about my paper...which is never fun for me.

Zoot
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Apr. 10th, 2006 @ 08:27 pm It's like meeting the man of your dreams, then meeting his pimped out wife...
So...
I get a call from Nikki ( the girl I am going to room with next year) saying we didn't get into Willard, but rather we got into Miller.

Personally, I'm really happpy with Miller, Nikki's fine with it too...but our roomates ( well technically all we do is share a bathroom with them) were super pissed off...

Like super duper pissed off, and then more or less yelled Nikki a new one.

I am not cool with them doing that.

Okay I can understand being disappointed with not getting into Willard, it is a pimped out place, but acting like Bitches to her, and being brats to everyone else is NOT the way to handle your anger.

There are moments where I cannot help feeling that me and Nikki are more mature than our roomates. I do not mean to be a bitch about this but...C'mon...grow up!

If worst comes to worst and they leave our quad, then we'll get roomates who aren't gonna be all poopy about this. I have a shit load of sorority sisters who would like to be with us, so honestly if they want to leave...then so be it. I am not afraid to lay down the law with this one folks. I have seen how Jena has made Nikki feel all semester over the dumbest stuff, and I will not take her doing it again, nor jes doing it to me next year.

I'm just furious at what Nikki told me about their reaction to this, I hate that she had to take that all by herself and I wasn't there to help her calm them down.


Okay...good news I swear. I found out that my EUG date for formal lives in Columbus up by Polaris Parkway. And we had a nice long conversation about formal and our selves. I just wish I could talk to him in person...that may help me out more.

Okay so I'm gonna go now, bye bye kids
Zoot
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Mar. 14th, 2006 @ 05:51 pm At last
Current Mood: cheerful
Yeah, I know I haven't updated in forever, but I've been wickedly busy.

With work and trying to get over a cold I haven't felt like updating it to be honest with you. I have had alot of time to work on some of my school work, but for the most part I have been either creating something for someone or sleeping for a change.

I kinda want this year to be over, I just want to be on campus next year with my sorority sisters and forget about having asshole friends (not any of you Desales or c-bus homies, but some of the berg kids). I want to forget about the pain and how everything has changed, some for the better, but most for the worst. I mean losing friends is never easy to deal with.

I know I have this semester in my life for a reason and I must learn from it what the lord and the lady want me to learn from it, that is the only way to make it any better.

I also have a new story idea which will be worded into this livejournal sometime in the summer. also I have about to or more parts of Angelforce season two to write and then I am done. I think I'm gonna call the new series "Feyith". I don't want to give away alot but I'm sure you guys will like it.

Unfortunatly for you I have to go to work, see you all later.

Zoot
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